I WAS RAPED BUT NOW I AM HEALED
Updated: Jan 31, 2019
Here’s a poem I wrote to tell the people I love I was raped because I couldn’t say it... As I walk, I feel shattered, as to you holding me against my will mattered, laying under you as the woman I was broke and scattered, you took me, and there is nothing I can do to be set free, over and over pleading STOP, but you wouldn't give me back the key, you took me, because you wanted we, but broke me, skin crawling as I hear, "you ain't gone leave me again," as I try to push you up, you adjust and push harder, saying stop, "I'll stop just say your mine," YOU TOOK ME! You didn't ask, you snatched and grabbed like a kleptomaniac addict, enduring the pain you inflict, YOU TOOK ME! So who does this leave me to be, between the devil and the deep, I wasn't the only fish in the sea, you accomplished, and left scar free, and me, with a third degree, you took me! We weren't strangers, so I didn't feel a sense of danger, as your scent lingers, I scrubbed and cleaned, but your cologne & voice continues to intervene, you took me! And now I'm a victim of rape, that did not use to be.....
Perky breast, slim waist, wide & curvy hips, the smell of strong oils, & coco nut. Walk is mean, head so high, she walked strong because she knew she was a queen. So take it don’t ask, rip my clothes off me because it’s okay to make me feel less of this strong queen I was blessed to be, cover my mouth so nobody won’t hear me scream.... Being raped isn’t a choice... but what you do after is.
My name is Chelsey Nicholson and I am a victim of rape & I was muzzled & masked! When I say MUZZLED I mean mute, silent, & didn’t speak up so I then MASKED it but do you know that will eat at your spirit, your smile, your walk, your thoughts, your peace, your joy, most importantly you. See my testimony is something; I’ve been through homelessness, hungry nights not night but “nights,” sleeping next to strangers. BUT I had family sleeping in beds. I was in an abandon building & abandon homes with nothing. But that’s not why I am writing on this blog this is about RAPE AWARENESS...
However, I made that point to say I needed my family but God always had me so don’t think I didn’t reach for them again when I was raped I did and the response from a sister was “did I look to see what part I played in this?”, “look how you dress, your tattoos, your piercings,” & those words stuck in my head as much as his scent lingered, his voice I heard everywhere, his touch repeatedly feeling like leeches, & those words rung in my ear putting fear and doubt in me so I stayed MUZZLED!
When this man I knew wasn’t just a stranger walked into my house and took me and walked out & never thought twice of the depth of scars I faced. When I heard the word sex or insinuating sex or any sexual or man-ish phrases sent me back to that moment that erased me and gave me a MASK i begin to wear.
Rape is serious, the only way I ever stop burying that I was rape and the scars that came with it begin to heal was getting closer to God. My testimony is bigger than me us “Women & Men” we have to give it to God. We have to ask to be healed & most importantly forgive the rapist, that’s the only way you can be free and UNMUZZLED!!!
If you want to contact me you can find me on these platforms
FB: Chelsey Nicholson IG: deesse_nubienne SC: twins_chels
“I’m Only A Message Away”
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#rape #rapeawareness #blackwomenandrape #lifeafterrape #howtodealwithrape #howcanGodhealmeafterrape #RAPE